You hit the nail on the head. When you’re married to an emotional child, he will want you to be his mommy. And you can do it — except grown women aren’t attracted to children. If your sex drive for your hubby is important to you (as well as avoiding resentment, aka “marriage poison”) things have to change.

So your choice is to keep being his mommy and enable his childishness while letting the air slowly out of your sex drive balloon, or try to help him grow up by being a good mom and setting boundaries and hopefully you’ll mother him right into emotional adulthood. (Or, of course, you could always leave him and find a grown-up Man, but I don’t get the impression you are quite ready to jump ship.)

Satti is right. Playing video games isn’t an option. Tell him to turn them off. Don’t cave to whining. Don’t let his accusations of nagging wear you down. Don’t internalize his protest emotions and take them on as your own. Stand your ground. If your marriage is going to survive and be anything resembling healthy, he will need to grow up, and he can’t do it without a good mom.

You will also need to accept that the default 50/50 relationship dynamic isn’t happening. He wants you to be the leader. Mommys lead their children. You’ll have to consider whether that is sexy to you, also. (For me, it was a hard “no”.)

I know emotional discord is rough. We ladies just want everyone to be happy, take it all on ourselves, and make everything okay. Trust me, I’ve been there. And it didn’t work for me. I had to divorce my man-child. And guess what…he still wants me to be his mommy. I’m just now learning to set boundaries. And it’s finally working.

AND, I’m now in a relationship with a Man who doesn’t need a mommy — and the sex (and everything else) is fantastic!

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small.

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