The most effective way I learned to deal with the grief of not having the nurturing mother that I felt I deserved came from a piece of advice I heard on Oprah about 10 years ago.

“Be the mom you wish you had had.”

I understand that this doesn’t help those who are not yet, or who choose not to become, parents but, given I’m a mom, it really helped me (and my kids).

There was/is so much healing and personal growth to be found in taking such a conscious approach to parenting. I was able to better understand my mother and forgive her and even, to some degree, re-parent myself right along with my children. I was able to harness the pain of the past for the benefit of the future.

So many wounds have healed and so much grief has resolved.

Maybe the idea could help someone else.

Thank you for the great piece!

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store