The fix, as described, is called “emotional regulation”. It’s a skill that almost everyone could benefit from developing.

When you let your emotions speak for you, nothing good can come of it because they serve only the self and are incapable of seeing rational solutions or alternative viewpoints. Metaphorical walls get thrown up and conversations are not productive.

It's true that there are times where we just want to be heard. We want to be validated. But we are more likely to be heard and validated when we can share our position without activating other peoples’ defense mechanisms. And that requires processing/regulating our emotions before we share them.

The energy it takes to learn this pretty advanced skill is worth the investment. When you are able to regulate your raw emotions, all of your interpersonal relationships will improve.

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small.

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