Thank you for sharing. Yours is a really powerful story and, even though the specifics are different, I feel like I can empathize.
It’s okay to grieve and regret. It’s okay to not find purpose or meaning in your decision. Some things are just a loss and we have to manage.
I don’t know if there’s a right answer as far as you getting implants or not. When I first got mine out, I told myself that if I decided to get them surgically repaired (even with an implant) that it was okay. I just had to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons this time. You know?
When we do things that show love to ourselves (for me it was changing my relationship with food and surrounding myself with people who love me for things other than my shell) we begin to believe we are worthy of love. And, for me, that’s where I started to find acceptance and started to feel okay with them just the way they are now.
And it’s difficult to describe but, even though I know they aren’t as beautiful as they were before the implants, I have more love for them than I did before. It’s a mindset I couldn’t have wrapped my brain around back then.
I hope this helps a little. :)
I’m thankful for you words and your perspective and I’m sure they touched other readers as well.