Oooooooohhhh!!! Thanks, J Apple Muncy! :)
So I have zero issues with asking men out on dates. I am willing and able — Have and would again. No qualms. :)
Your final question was really interesting to me. I’m glad you asked!
I’m just wondering if you go beyond the traditional dating roles usually expected of men?
The answer is “absolutely”, but it’s probably not in the way you expect.
The short and woefully inadequate answer is that, for me, the point of dating is to a.) have fun, and b.) figure out what works for you in a relationship. If you put limits and rules impose roles during dating, there is no opportunity to learn anything. As you date more, you learn more — traditional roles be damned.
But here’s the kicker: What I have learned from dating is that a 50/50 relationship dynamic doesn’t work for me. I need a leader. Not because I subscribe to traditional gender roles or because I think women are less capable or competent than men. It boils down to attraction, which is something I can’t control.
I don’t think that relationship leaders need to be determined by gender, but I do believe that relationships work better with a leader. Otherwise, they turn into rudderless power struggles where both partners resent each other for not doing the things that they didn’t know they were supposed to do in the first place. No one feels safe and both people flounder.
Having a penis or a vagina doesn’t bestow any person with power or virtue or strengths or weaknesses. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not looking for a strong, moral man to lead me.
I’ve written a few ramblings about this concept and I’m not sure that I have yet accurately articulated my thoughts in a way that could promote understanding or help people be more self-aware about their own needs.
I Want a Partner, Not an Adversary
Learning that a 50/50 relationship default doesn’t work for me.
Hi (again) Thomas P Seager, PhD!
Interesting and thought-provoking piece. I recognize that my relationship need for leadership isn’t a popular, or…
Your article hit home for me. Forgive the novel. Brevity is not one of my gifts.
It all boils down to leadership.
There’s more to this, I think. Like Vanessa, I think you have inspired me to write a new piece. I’ll tag you when I do. Thank you, again!!! :)