Learning whether or not non-monogamy is feasible for you is really important and dependent on a lot of factors, the two most important being trust and needs being met.

For non-monogamy to work, you have to trust both your partner’s attraction and love for you and you have to trust yourself that you’ll be okay even if you experience negative emotions or your partner leaves you for greener pastures. If you don’t have this trust, you may want to work on that aspect before attempting to share.

The second component, your needs being met in your primary relationship, is crucial. If you feel whole and satisfied by your partner, it will be a lot less likely that you will feel something is being taken from you when they are out exploring. The focus needs to be on the health of the relationship between the two of you and whether your needs are met before either of you start spreading yourself even thinner.

Once you get to a place where non-monogamy works, there can be some real liberation. Maybe you want to experiment with same sex partners. Maybe there’s the possibility of bringing a third into the actual relationship as a triad. There are so many configurations that extend far beyond the confines of the default. People aren’t all the same and neither are their needs. Why do all of our relationships need to look the same?

I’m a big fan of being the architect of your own happiness and when you are able to loose the constraints of the societal default setting of monogamy, it’s possible that you can build a really emotionally and physically satisfying construct that is tailored just for you and your partner.

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small. www.ajkaywriter.com

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