I’ve learned a few things from my relationships over the past 2+ decades and one of the most important lessons is this:
Placing the responsibility of managing your negative emotions and insecurities on your partner, by attempting to manipulate and control their behavior, is one of the quickest paths to relationship misery.
Being secure takes a lot of trust. You need to both trust your partner, that they will freely make choices consistent with your shared relationship values, and you need to trust yourself, that you are emotionally secure enough to be okay if they violate those agreed upon values and you need to move on.
That’s where real relationship security lives…in that space where you let your partner be free to make their own choices and where you trust yourself to be okay no matter what they choices they make.