I, too, am fresh off a divorce from a man who wanted me to be his mommy and I, too, find myself attracted to and dating a leaderly, dominant man.
And it does meet my needs.
A leaderly, dominant man is what I want.
That being said, the man you describe wouldn’t work for me either, because he wasn’t a real leader. He felt that his gender entitled him to be the 51 to your 49, and that simply isn’t the case. If you are a stronger leader, pretending that you aren’t won’t work. Neither will the relationship.
He wanted to play the role without doing the personal work to actually become the man he wants to be (and who you want him to be).
I suspect if you encountered a man who was a stronger leader than you, who consistently (in my case, flawlessly) made moral choices that prioritized your well-being over his emotional comfort, who was secure in his expertise and ability, who worked tirelessly at improving himself, and who didn’t require you to make yourself small to placate his fragile ego, you’d be all in.
They’re rare, indeed.
On the upside, it sounds like you learned a good deal about what you want in a partner. I hope you find it.
A few more of my thoughts on the subject:
Holy shit. Yes.
There's a lot to pick apart in this article, but this is one little jagged, uncomfortable nugget of truth that shouldn't…