I just reread this and it’s really profound. Thank you for sharing. (I taught myself piano by ear, too! ;)

I struggle with responses to my writing in the same way I struggle with deeper interactions in real life. When they go beyond the superficial, I lose my bearings and don’t know what the “right” thing to say is. That’s why it takes me weeks to even look at responses sometimes. I get anxiety and my emotional firewall of insecurity and fear holds me back.

I’m glad I sat down today to force myself to look.

I will tell you that I can relate. One of the reasons it took me a full decade and a divorce to start writing again is because I knew that my truth could hurt the people I love. That’s a fucking horrible feeling. Pushing past that emotional firewall was liberating for me in the long run but it took some serious emotional work to be able to do it. Some are supportive. Some are less so. I had to find a strength in myself that wasnt dependant on external validation. Fuck, that was hard.

Sounds like you have an incredible mama. You are really lucky there. Hold her close.

And I don’t have any data on alcohol abuse, but it certainly seems intutive that we spectrum-y people would find maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with our pain and struggle, just like everyone else. I didn’t go into it in my article, but I used sex in a way that gave me power and control, instead of as a means to connect with people I was attracted to. It was dysfunctional and maladaptive. I’m working on it.

Thank you for writing. I hope you can find a way to write more. Maybe just write to yourself at first (although, it sounds like you already do.) Sounds like you have a helluva story, one that I’d like to read.

I, too, love few things more than an underdog. ;)


Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small. www.ajkaywriter.com

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