I have an opinion along this vein that I’ve been trying to articulate for awhile and I still don’t think I’m there (but you touched on it), so I’m going to give it another shot:

I think ‘chores for sex’ is bullshit.

I know that this is an unpopular position. Any number of recent studies can be cited that show that women find men who do chores sexy. The subsequent advice articles read, “Hey guys! Want a blow job? Take out the trash!”

That’s…not…it. At least not all of it.

Here’s my take: The men who participate in household chores (what I like to call “being an actual partner”) without trying to extort sex in exchange … those dudes are sexy … it aint the chores.

There’s a whole breed of dudes who don’t participate (or only very minimally, and only when nagged to death by an utterly exhausted woman, and only then with a huff and a sigh and some shitty, immature utterance under his breath) reading the aforementioned data as, “Has your partner stopped fucking you? Well, mop that floor when you’re horny, buddy! She’ll think that’s hot and ride you like a cowgirl.”

That’s ass-backwards and it’s fucking people up.

If he’s already not getting sex, something’s wrong beyond the chores (I have a few guesses) and he’s gonna be dumbfounded (and probably pissed at her) when he slogs that smelly garbage out to the curb and still doesn’t get his beloved BJ.

Because his lack of participation is already so unsexy that his attempts to ply access to her body with shit he should be doing already (you know, as a partner happy to share in the domestic labor because, you know, love) turns her the fuck off.

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small.

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