I had the opposite experience. After my divorce, I dated. A lot. My dance card was perpetually full. I thought I was “fufilled”, but really I was just bouncing like a ping pong ball from one okay-Ish man to another to fill the space in my bed and salve my need to be wanted. When one wasn’t available, another could slide into his spot. I stayed busy and felt attractive, but I wasn’t fulfilled.

It did help me figure out what I wanted, but the relationships themselves were unsatisfactory without all of the background noise.

Granted, I never had “relationship goals”, so maybe that’s key. I can see where focusing less on the endpoint can help if you’re not trying to smush every round peg into a square hole and not obsessing over “getting a guy”…any guy. Thats a move forward.

This sounds to me like a step forward In the process of figuring out what you want. And that’s a valuable endeavor.

I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am now (which is pretty incredible personal growth with an pretty incredible man holding my hand, leading the way) if I hadn’t dated that way, but I wouldn’t do it again. It served its purpose.

I now know what I want and don’t have the energy to waste on men who don’t meet my needs. I’d rather be doing important things.

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small. www.ajkaywriter.com

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