Holy shit. Yes.
There’s a lot to pick apart in this article, but this is one little jagged, uncomfortable nugget of truth that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Keep reading and Amanda hits the nail on the head. Women want it all in their relationships— and we…can’t…have…it. We just can’t.
I think a lot of women would be well served to think about what they really want and need in a pair bond, especially if they are choosing monogamy.
I, for one, got hella uncomfortable when I realized that I am not sexually attracted to a 50/50 relationship dynamic.
I was supposed to be! Equality! How could I demean myself by choosing an unequal relationship??? Where did my self-respect go???
Turns out that being honest about this was the least demeaning, most self-respecting thing I could do.
Because sexual attraction is a need for me.
Here was my choice:
a.) pick a superior man who was a moral leader and enjoy our lustful sex and intense attraction, along with tremendous opportunities for personal development, by adopting a 49/51 dynamic,
b.) pick an equal man who prefers a 50/50 dynamic (or even me in the leadership role) and let my vagina dry up and fall off (or have fuck boys on the side and hate myself for it.)
Sexual attraction is not something I consciously control.
After 16 years in a marriage to a submissive man for whom my sex drive literally inverted, I realized that attraction is really important to me and that the emotional comfort I would get from a 50/50 relationship is actually co-dependence — something else I don’t want any part of. I am learning to regulate my own emotions.
My feminist ass is grateful for my lover’s leadership (and I can feel the disdain coming at me through the keyboard, ladies…I get it) but I am a better woman for it. I’m not brainwashed. I’m not desperate. I’m empowered and more successful than I have ever been as a direct result of this epiphany.
And that’s about as real as it gets, especially for a woman with a Women’s Studies degree.
It’s about consent and being sex-positive and empowerment and, most importantly, being honest with myself.
As for infidelity, I cannot imagine cheating on him.
He’s got me wrapped around his (not so little)…um, let’s say ‘finger’, in the most sexually satisfying relationship of my life. And this is no honeymoon phase. This is almost two years of “the sex just keeps getting better”.