Emotional Stress Fracture

Who carries the sun when it’s tired? — A Poem

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I am so fucking tired.

Bone weary.

My spirit is exhausted.

I’m at risk of going over the cliff.

Except I can’t.

I have four lovelys who depend on me to be their all and everything.

Just me.

Alone.

I am the sun in this universe.

I have lightened my load to compensate.

I let go of people I could no longer carry.

I released those I could no longer trust.

There was one liar I couldn’t let go of.

Myself.

And b urying my emotions is not the same thing as regulating them.

What shelters the mountain?

Who carries the sun?

I’ve come so far.

But we all have our limits.

I feel the cracks deepening. Spreading.

A fault line.

Emotional stress fracture.

My maladaptive coping mechanisms licking their lips.

They’re starving vultures,

Circling.

Waiting.

Patiently.

I’ve never let them down before.

I don’t want to be an island.

But right now I’d be grateful to keep my head above water.

The sun always sets.

Instead of fighting the cold,

I’ll embrace it this time.

And redirect my energy.

And pray to any god who will listen.

And have faith in the dawn.

Mama, writer, lover, fighter — I wear my heart on my sleeve because my pants pockets are too small. www.ajkaywriter.com

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